Christianbook.com Ratings and Reviews

Customer Reviews for Berkley Trade Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Berkley Trade Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Take a look inside the minds of angry and controlling men so you can learn how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship. Topics covered are the role of drugs and alcohol, early warning signs, abusive personality types, learning what you can and cannot fix, and how to safely leave an abusive relationship. Paperback.
Average Customer Rating:
3.875 out of 5
3.9
 out of 
5
(8 Reviews) 8
Open Ratings Snapshot
Rating Snapshot (8 reviews)
5 stars
5
4 stars
1
3 stars
0
2 stars
0
1 star
2
5 out of 771%customers would recommend this product to a friend.
Customer Reviews for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Review 1 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5

re: "ceedav" : man who is now abused

Date:July 9, 2013
Customer Avatar
judy
Location:Canada
Age:55-65
Gender:female
Quality: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Value: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
I suggest that the abused woman who married this man "ceedav" has become an abuser...so don't be too hard on him, folks.
He needs to read the book and explain to the woman that after so many years as an abused woman she has now also become an abuser...it does happen!
I feel sorry for him and realize why he says he finds the book a problem...but it isn't the book, it's the fact that he has married an abusive woman...May he find peace and help from this statement
0points
0of 0voted this as helpful.
Review 2 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5

Lundy is an awesome person!

Date:May 22, 2013
Customer Avatar
Jenna
Age:45-54
Gender:female
Quality: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Value: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Very helpful in identifying the problem, enabled me to get safely out of an abusive and life-threatening relationship.
God Bless Lundy Bancroft
0points
0of 0voted this as helpful.
Review 3 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5

Every woman in the world should read this.

Date:June 14, 2012
Customer Avatar
Hopeful
Location:Illinois
Age:45-54
Gender:female
Quality: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Value: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
I have read the other reviews posted and I am troubled by the ones that are negative.
When I first started reading this book, I was rather put off by the author's frequency of referring to himself as an expert. By the time I got to the second part of this book, I understood why he felt the need to do that. It is very difficult to call abuse what it is. It is EXTREMELY difficult to put the "abused" label on the way one has lived for 40 years of their life. What the author reports as being abuse was what I had accepted as "normal" male behavior. It was very easy to say to myself "But all guys do that." By the end of the book I was able to see that no, all guys don't do that. This book helped change my life. I now see that all men do not act that way. Not all men are manipulative. Not all men are untrustworthy. Not all men are emotionally destructive. I had accepted some of the lies that abusive men had told me about my character as truth. I believed that God saw me that way as well. I have been able to look at examples of how I have been treated and realize that it really was abuse. How I was treated was not my fault. I was treated poorly not because I am unloveable or stupid, but because I was involved with abusive men. I have also seen some of those patterns of abuse acted out by my adult sons and accepted by my adult daughter from her husband. I have been able to bring those behaviors to their attention and show them how the abuse they witnessed towards me, and the abuse they received as children, affected how they relate to other people as well. All of them have responded favorably to instruction. There is hope.
The only thing that I really did not like were the "bad words". Some of them were really raunchy. I have heard all of them directed at me though, so I guess the printed use of examples also serves a purpose.
By the way, my ex-husband is also a born again Christian. Only one of my children will go anywhere near a church- because of his example of what a "Christian" is.
Of special interest is the fact that my ex-husband said to me "At least I didn't beat you." I didn't tell him that is a direct quote out of the book. An example of what verbal/emotional abusers say to make a woman believe that how he treats her is not abuse. I guess I am supposed to feel lucky that he only left my heart and soul a bloody, battered mess.
+7points
8of 9voted this as helpful.
Review 4 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5

If you want to have no hope, read this book!

Date:April 5, 2012
Customer Avatar
Jubilee
Location:Raleigh, NC
Age:35-44
Gender:male
Quality: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
Value: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
Author admits that his methods rarely work. Most of the men he works with are there under court order for anger management. For sake of time and space, I ditto the other 1 star ratings. One of the worst books I have ever read.
-3points
1of 5voted this as helpful.
Review 5 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5

Forthright and revealing

Date:December 1, 2011
Customer Avatar
Mark S
Location:Georgia
Age:55-65
Gender:male
Quality: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Value: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
In the past week and a half, I have been studying nonstop in order to help a loved one overcome being the victim of verbal and physical abuse in her marriage. Lundy Bancroft’s experience with 2000 men who abused women rings very true in light of my loved one’s experience and with all the literature that I have studied so far. I bought two books—one for my loved one and one for me--and between the two of us we have studied the entire book. It fits her experience almost perfectly and lines up with multiple sources that I have read on the internet and in the library.
I find it interesting that one of the most negative reviews detailed here was written by a man who allegedly abused his “ex-beloved.” When I study the literature, I understand that this type of reaction to the truth in this book is very predictable by someone who has been abusing another person—denial and lack of responsibility for their own actions is typical. The other very negative review cites page numbers and paraphrases what he considers to be inaccurate or ludicrous statements; he rarely directly quotes the book and almost all of his criticisms are clearly out of context and often inaccurately represent the author’s point.
I am a strong evangelical, conservative, student of the Bible, believer in the Bible, believer in the Christ of the Bible, obedient follower of the Bible, and a teacher of the Bible. So I did not appreciate the author’s blaming God’s injunction against Eve in Genesis chapter 3 as a cause for some religious Christians becoming abusers. That passage or any part of the Bible cannot be an excuse, reason, or cause for anyone to abuse someone else unless the abuser has taken the Scriptures way out of context. And the author did not point that out, but seemingly preferred to blame the Scriptures themselves as a cause of abuse.
Even though the author does not seem to have a high regard for Scripture nor does he use Scripture in his book, he clearly develops a strategy of dealing with both the abused and the abuser that falls in line with Scriptural principles. He preaches a tough love—it’s both tough and it’s love. He has seen what works and what doesn’t work, and unfortunately too often nothing works because the abuser does not do the hard work that it takes to overcome his faulty way of thinking.
The approach in Why Does He Do That? so far has been very helpful to my loved one and me to get her started on a new life that hopefully will help the abuser reconcile himself to God, to his wife, and to his marriage. In order for this reconciliation to happen successfully, the abuser must have appropriate tough love from everyone around him. I have already recommended this book to many family members and friends and I am in the process of ordering several copies to be sent out to those who do not yet have a copy.
+4points
5of 6voted this as helpful.
Review 6 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5

Date:October 10, 2011
Customer Avatar
Trust
Location:Massachusetts
Age:35-44
Gender:female
Quality: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Value: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
5 out of 5
5 out of 5
Most abuse of men, women and children is done in the dark, especially as "Christians." People in positions of authority can use such authority as oppression and crush the spirit. The "Christian" community does not know how to handle such an epidemic without helpful insight. This book provides such insight. He has counseled abusive men for eighteen years and has gathered some knowledge and insight into how they think. The book also helps people to see when acceptance of trespasses, repentance of such trespasses and change is genuine and not simply still manipulating and controlling everyone who is trying to help. It helps attack and dismantle the destructive thought patterns of oppression and could be used to keep "domestic violence" out of homes and identify if it exsists, even such violence against children. The only downfall would be his lack of faith in how such an oppressive person usually will not change; this is where trust in our Living God is exercised. Where consistent prayer will be exercised. yet it does take time for a person's mental thoughts to change especially when they have power over their family; it's a beast that continues to grow when left unchecked. The author's clarity is good and he explains well. an easy read.
+4points
5of 6voted this as helpful.
Review 7 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5

Polemic, possibly dangerous.

Date:August 28, 2011
Customer Avatar
ceedav
Location:Liverpool, UK
Age:55-65
Gender:male
Quality: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
Value: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
Meets Expectations: 
1 out of 5
1 out of 5
I'm not sure I agree with one reviewer's assertion that the author doesn't give some of the 'why's' BUT I do agree that it's a book with very little hope offered for the victim or the abuser to repair the relationship. I have been accused of abuse by my ex-beloved and this book and a couple of others have been given to me as 'proof'. They have both left me with the clear impression that once one is accused of abuse there 's nothing one can do. Denial is proof. Looking for reasons in the relationship itself is proof. Searching for triggers is proof. It's a damned if you accept the accusation, damned if you don't scenario. It posits that the woman's feelings/suspicions are 100% accurate and that she doesn't need to evaluate her psychological background at all. Any attempt by the man to do so is also classed as abuse (denial of her felings and therefore her whole being). The saddest thing is that any hopes of a reconciliation are now impossible as those books have locked her in the mindset that I am beyond redemption. I've never been accused of abuse before even by my ex-wife whom I divorced after 25 years of married life. My 5 children don't see me that way. But of course abusers' other relationships are always fake-fine, so the book says, so that is impermissable evidence. It just so happens that my recent partner whom I call my true love was in an abusive marriage for 25 years invoving real violence e.g. punching in the stomach while pregnant, her self-defence with a razor blade inflicting a 19 stitch wound on her ex-husband and constant verbal abuse as he descended into alcoholism. She got so angry with me once she actually bit my face. However, if I dare to sympathetically suggest, as I used to, that she might be a little 'sensitive' because of her experiences, that, according to Lundy and co. is merely another proof and example of my abuser persona. I think 'witch-hunting' would not be too strong a word for the mindset espoused by this book. Any man suspected finds himself trying desperately to keep his head above the flood of accusations. If he accepts them he goes under and his normal life is over; if he resists, the book suggests his partner burns him. Actual guilt or innocence is immaterial. I would say this book and it's kin are dangerous material for relationships. That's not to say abusive relationships don't exist. I cited one above. But after reading these books I'm now feeling abused myself. And, what's worse, I've lost my love for ever.
-4points
6of 16voted this as helpful.
Review 8 for Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Overall Rating: 
4 out of 5
4 out of 5

Date:March 27, 2010
Customer Avatar
C.A. Schlemmer
PROS- Excellent insight into the mindset and psychology of abusers. Includes a checklist of warning signs for abusers and a checklist to determine if you are being abused. Goes through various types of abuser personalities as well as very helpful, concise information about how to remove one's self from an abusive relationship, legal recourse, abuse hotlines, etc. It also outlines the steps for changing abusive behavior, but acknowledges that this change is VERY difficult. This is a very straightforward book that does not sugarcoat the issue and discusses the possibility that some abusers may not be able to change. CONS-It contains frank language of the types of insults that abusers will use. It is also not written from a Christian worldview- there is almost no mention of God or biblical principles except to say that abusers sometimes use the Bible/religion to justify their abuse. Despite the cons, this is a very educational book and would make an invaluable resource for anyone in an abusive relationship or who knows someone in that situation.
+2points
6of 10voted this as helpful.