I wish I had this book one year ago. The wisdom and biblical insight applied throughout brought perspective into one of the worst and most emotional times one can go through in making the decision to stay married in a no-win marriage or to opt out and pursue a divorce. The heart of the matter revolved around What would God have me do for me, for my spouse and for the children. Unearthing motivation, examining personal biblical convictions and reminding readers about God's faithfulness brings a reader to go deeper to God to know "should I stay or should I go?" This book freed me to know that God is the one I ought to obey. It brings hope to the dark process of divorce whether it occurs or there is restoration, as long as one applies God's heart and will to their unique situation, God can free us to be at peace, be in His Will and assures us He has good plans for us.....divorced or restored.

This is a great book! It was not difficult to read even though it was clearly researched with great detail. It was written with so much sensitivity toward hurting families, and I believe it will change the way churches help their members deal with such a difficult subject.

If there was one resource I needed two years ago, it was this. I had cried for help and no one listened. If you are screaming for help and other's refuses to believe there are problems in your marriage, get this book immediately! Pastors at every church ought to listen to this man. There may be a lot of hurting marriages that continue to cause irreversable damage in families...especially the kids; There's nothing like this anywhere...please get this going at your church!!

Use your discernment when reading this book. Didn't agree with all usage of scripture but thought the overall message of this book was good.

While Gaither's book is undoubtedly well intended, it has crippling flaws that could mislead anyone trying to redeem a troubled marriage namely: Gaither's misuse of Scripture; his definition of marriage and divorce; his failure to address God's intended use of suffering in the lives of believers; and his failure to direct readers to rely on a sovereign God.

Throughout this book the centrality of God and His Word are replaced by the centrality of man and his desire for happiness and being spared from reaching the "breaking point" of despair and pain from a dysfunctional marriage. Gaither seems to sprinkle in enough biblical terminology and biblical references that to the undiscerning it seems to be "thus saith the Lord." Even the use of the term "redemptive" is deceiving. Gaither admits in chapter seven that "redemption is costly"(p. 111). Indeed it is. The whole biblical notion of redemption involves the payment of a price in order to secure someone's freedom - Christ being the supreme example in His suffering and dying to secure our freedom from sin and God's wrath against it. Gaither goes on and rightly lays out the beauty of this gospel story. He even concludes with this explanation of grace:

"The new law of grace says, Do as I do. Restore relationships with people who don't deserve your mercy. Trust My holy character, not only to preserve you through inevitable agony but to bring you immeasurable blessing as a result." (p. 113).

Sadly, his entire book is a testimony against true "redemptive" grace. In the same chapter seven, after saying the new law of grace says "do as I do" Gaither takes great pains to in essence say "but you really don't have to." He writes, "While He requires us to forgive the past, He does not demand that we expose ourselves to further injury" (p. 111). And again, "Furthermore, the command to forgive frees you from the past, but it does not demand that you submit to more destructive behavior" (p. 115). Or elsewhere, "Having completely forgiven your mate, you may exercise your right to keep a safe distance indefinitely . . . Whether you have biblical grounds for a divorce or not, you are not bound by the Old Covenant to risk further harm at the hands of your mate" (p.117). One final quote, "God calls us to imitate His extraordinary grace, but He does not require it" (p. 122).

Amazingly, after explaining the costly, self-sacrificing nature of biblical redemption as exemplified in Christ, and even in a rare moment of biblical soundness acknowledge that the "new law of grace says Do as I do", Gaither gives permission to "do as you want to do" and protect yourself from "further injury." So much for biblical, self-sacrificing, costly redemptive action.

If you read this book, do so with great caution and with a pair of "biblical glasses" on!